* s t a r d u s t a g a i n s t a p a l e s k y *

A falling star is a phenomenon to an adult and magic- a miracle- to a child. Who's right? Things are what you define them. So who am I? I guess it's up to you...

2.07.2005

*Nobody Ever Tells Me Anything!*

Blah.. I am so confused about what's going on in my life. Who knows. I'll pretend like I don't notice the fact that I'm no longer in control of it.

I got a letter from the counselor. She sounds really nice. I'm sceduling an appt with her probably on Friday (so the anxiety can build up.. :-\) to sit down and just talk about counseling to see if it's for me-- even though I'm sure its for me because I'm sure I'm clinically depressed. Watch them tell me I'm not. *big sigh*

I just think it's nice that I'm 18 and therefore if I do end up on medications, my parents don't need to know about it. They left me with $120 plus the few hundred I have left in savings (even though thats for a car), so I can afford some quality anti-depressants for a while. I know I don't like myself too much.. but in this case, I think I'm worth it. I think feeling okay is worth it, even if it costs me a car in May. I really, really need to do this. I hope I don't lose my nerve at the last minute. I wish I still knew how to pray :-(

I'm going back to sleep until closer to the time I have to leave, because God forbid I give myself actual time to write this paper thats due at 1240. Argh me. I'm so weird. Good night slash morning slash why don't I just go to bed at a normal hour ever?

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