* s t a r d u s t a g a i n s t a p a l e s k y *

A falling star is a phenomenon to an adult and magic- a miracle- to a child. Who's right? Things are what you define them. So who am I? I guess it's up to you...

2.09.2005

*Okay, So That Didn't Work :-\*

ok so I didn't sleep but I'm about to! seriously now!

Umm... riight.

You know, I was thinkin'

My exboyfriends. They all got something wrong in the head. Like, for serious. When guys break up with me they go nutso, you think it's because of me? Nick with the steroids and the black eyes, and greg with, well, greg's just himself, which is wrong in the head, mickey with the cutting off of his finger, doing all kinds of nasty college stuff, and now, apparently, the shaved head (holy crap, i hate when people continue to tell me about him), and Ben with the nonsocialization and stuff.. I don't know. I'm just trying to make myself feel important. It didn't work.

I wish I wasn't so attention starved. But in my research, that is actually a sign of depression as well.

I love me new silk jammies

I miss Jammie Bodgers.

Anyways. I really should sleep. I should but.. yeah. Ugh.

I really do not like myself much, and I wish I did.

I'll tell you what i do like though and thats these new bras. They're really really comfy! Okay, sorry. nuff about that.

I already ruined my Lent giving upness. No, not the sex and cocaine one. I was gonna give up soda, but I drank one at 1230. I was gonna give up blogging but.. yeahh.

My Valentines start out with cool words, even tho the sayings are really dumb.

Hope.

Dance.

Dream.

Wish.

Believe.

That's enough to get me through another night. Tho I wish I had you to get me through.

And I'm totally with Jenni on the marriage thing. I want to get married just for the pure pleasure of laying in a big comfy bed with another warm body and just smile at each other and feeling completely, completely, completely safe. Just to hear his heart beat, to hear the evenness of his breathing, to hear him shuffle in the middle of the night, to watch his eyes flutter in his dreams and wonder what he's dreaming. And to wake up in the morning and have one minute where we just lay there, in total silence. Half awake, half asleep. Just together. I want to slow dance to the music in our heads before we fall back on the bed at night, curl up, get warm, and fall asleep in his arms again.

*happy sigh*

if that was the only thing I ever got in life... I'd be just fine.

I know this blog is totally romanticized. But thinking about it makes me that way. Marriage. It has a negative connotation now. But that's what it is to me. *happy sigh* I hope/wish/dream/believe that that's what my future has in store for me.

With that I leave you with one of the all time best song/song lyrics at least.. up there with Iris and Stairway
I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in thie moment forever
Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure
I don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
Cuz I'd miss you babe
And I don't want to miss a thing
And even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you baby, and I don't want to miss a thing
Lying close to you hearing your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if its me you're seeing
And then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together
I just want to stay with you in this moment forever
Forever and ever
I don't wanna miss one smile
I don't wanna miss one kiss
I just wanna be with you
Right here with you, and just like this
I just want to hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time

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